Regarding Your Comment: A Poem

A few days ago,

I jokingly mentioned my self-loathing

(as I am wont to do,

knowing full-well, of course, that it is no laughing matter,

but laughing anyway to cope) and

you had the audacity

to say, “well,

you think you hate yourself,

don’t even go there, I have more self-loathing up my sleeves

than you’ve probably ever seen in your life,”

as if it is a competition, a game, for someone to hate themselves

as if it is a smug way to one-up someone,

to tell them your struggle is the greater, and the more worthy,

to put down their entire lifetime of self-esteem issues,

because, hey, your perception

is that your self-esteem issues deserve greater recognition,

am I right?

I’ve never intentionally pierced my own skin,

but I’ve certainly thought about it

and isn’t that evidence enough

that my problems are real problems?

Is my battle invalid, illegitimate,

until I swallow pills, and take a razor to my thigh––

does it have to be on the outside, rather than

a wound that is always open inside of me

and always bleeding

and always widening

and always hurting?

I know people who have made their own attempts

and I know people who a burying their scars

and would you tell them that their reasons are inferior, too,

and that they don’t know real pain, either?

Let me tell you now

there exists no beauty in hating myself––

it’s not romantic, it’s neither pretty nor petty––

it’s black, and it’s empty, and it’s full of obstacles,

and it’s a mountain I have to climb over every day.

It’s not a competition,

it’s not something you can brag about,

or show off, or compare to another’s––

it’s completely personal, completely awful.

Self-loathing is not a trophy. It is a disease.


2 thoughts on “Regarding Your Comment: A Poem

  1. We all have our own struggles, no matter how big or small , they are our struggle and we deal with them in our own way.
    My struggles might seem small to some and big to others. Its a matter of life experiences.
    If you havent had a lot of hurt, the smallest thing might feel just as bad for one person, as the biggest thing for another, who have been through a lot and have grown a thicker skin.
    One should never belittle others when it comes to feelings. One might hurt just as bad or even worse, no matter the issue, we are all different in life experience and in coping.
    We need more empathy, understanding and insight in this world
    Thanks for sharing 🙂

    1. That’s just it! Everyone is different, everyone has a different experience, and everyone is going through battles we know nothing about. And just because one struggle seems small, it may not feel small.

      Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment. I’m glad you could relate!

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